Good Listening

Marriage is not always easy, but with good communication and listening skills you can have a strong and healthy relationship.

Here are five ways that can keep you from being good listeners:

1.      Disengaging. Disengaging is when we are thinking about what we want to say and not

what the other person is saying.

2.      Reassuring. Reassuring is when you don’t let them talk about negative emotions (fear,

grief, anger…), but just say everything will be okay.

3.      Giving Advice. Because you want to make things better for your spouse you try and

solve the problem by giving advice.

4.      Not staying on the topic. When you think what you want to say is more important than

what your spouse wants to talk about.

5.      Interrupting. You interrupt because you either don’t want to talk about the subject or

think your spouse is done talking.

Here are five Ways to improve your listening skill:

1.      Put yourself in their shoes and imagine what they are thinking and how they feel.

2.      Repeat back to them what they have said. This could just be a summary of what you

heard, or saying back word for word the important point.

3.      Make sure you know what is important. This helps you to stay on topic and stay

focused on one thing at a time.

4.      Work together on a solution. Doing this together will strengthen your communication

and your relationship.

5.      Ask if there is anything more. Good listening also requires asking good questions.

Good listening takes time, patience, and practice. It requires letting the person say what they need to say before you talk or try and give input or advice. Reflect back on what you heard. Implementing these skills will greatly improve your communication and your marriage.